The minor statement “It’s not in the budget” carries a significant amount of criticism. Following this, there is an incessant pressure to match the standards set by others. Consequently, this creates a negative cycle where we not only fail to achieve our objectives but also experience financial difficulties. It is evident how this expression is often used synonymously with, "I don't have enough money to make this purchase." Such self-limiting beliefs result in harsh judgement of oneself and others, exacerbating the downward spiral of financial shame. If you have caught yourself uttering these phrases on occasion, you’re not alone. Here is my perspective on avoiding these phrases to overcome judging yourself and others for their financial states.
The Phrase Is Not Interchangeable
Recognizing a particular expense is not in your spending plan does not necessarily mean you cannot afford it. It means you have designated your funds for other purposes, and there should be no shame in this response. as we all budget our income differently. Let me give you an example: I consistently contribute $500 to my Roth IRA each month, as per my budget. If a close friend approached me last-minute and asked me accompany her to the city for the weekend, costing exactly $500, I would decline. Not because I lack the financial means, rather, because I have already allocated this money elsewhere. Having boundaries in your financial plan demonstrates wisdom and discipline. I believe every successful individual has implemented a financial plan to reach their current position and, undoubtedly, has had to make sacrifices along the way to stay on track.
“Keeping up with the Joneses”
It is human nature to compare ourselves to others and make specific choices to level the playing field on our socio-economic standings. The idiom “keeping up with the Joneses” suggests a desire to outdo others in terms of wealth, possessions, social standings and more, even if it leads to financial strain. When the constant need to keep up with the Joneses begins, it often leads to several consequences:
Financial stress: Trying to match the lifestyle of others can put a significant strain on personal finances, thus adding unnecessary stress. People may take on excessive debt to afford material possessions or experiences beyond their means.
Increased expenses: Keeping up with others often means spending more on luxurious items, vacations, or experiences. This can lead to a higher cost of living and decreased savings for the future.
Inadequate savings: Prioritizing immediate gratification over long-term financial goals can result in insufficient savings for emergencies, retirement, or other important milestones.
Emotional dissatisfaction: Constantly comparing oneself to others and striving to meet societal standards can lead to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem and unhappiness. It becomes a never-ending cycle of seeking external validation and never feeling content.
Lack of authenticity: Trying to fit into societal expectations may lead individuals to abandon their own values, interests, and passions in exchange for acceptance or admiration from others. This can result in a loss of personal identity and a sense of emptiness.
Additionally, it’s important to remember lifestyles portrayed on social media may not reflect the individual’s actual reality. Don’t fall into the trap of comparing yourself to them— sometimes the happiest people online are often times the saddest in real life.
Overall, the constant need to keep up with others can have detrimental effects on both financial well-being and personal happiness. It is important to develop a sense of contentment and avoid comparing yourself to others. Prioritizing individual goals, values, and financial stability can lead to a healthier and more fulfilling life.
Achieving Contentment
Practicing contentment on a daily basis is crucial for overall satisfaction in life, and just like with any skill, practice is essential for improvement. I have found being grateful is the key to experiencing contentment. When we wake up each day and express gratitude for what we have, contentment naturally follows. While I may not have the luxury of waking up early before my children and journaling for 20 minutes while enjoying a peaceful cup of coffee, I do take a moment each morning to reflect on things I am grateful for. This may be a brief list during a hectic morning or a more extensive one during my commute to work. Regardless, this practice has helped me feel a stronger sense of contentment, and I believe it can do the same for you.
You Have the Power
Not everyone will agree with the decisions you make in your life, which is perfectly okay. The only person who has to live with those decisions is yourself. Ultimately, it is up to you to determine what aligns with your lifestyle and what does not. For me, there are only a few select individuals whose opinions hold the power to influence my life choices, and it’s normal for you to have a few of your own.
While it's a luxury to own nice things and go on yearly, extravagant vacations — doing so is not inherently bad. It's wonderful to enjoy luxuries, just ensure that they don't possess you. Once I realized that I was the main obstacle in overcoming judgment, I had a decision to make. I could continue obsessing over what others had or how I was perceived, or I could shift my focus towards nurturing and appreciating what I already have. I am grateful for what I have, even if it may be modest.
If you are looking to shift your mindset toward greater wealth management to enjoy these luxuries, schedule an appointment with me. I’d be happy to share more of my personal triumphs, and how to live a happy life without the scrutiny of comparison.
About Alex
Alex is one of our financial wellness advocates on our Wealth Management team. She is a mom of four, and her passion is sharing her own personal finance journey from living paycheck to paycheck and drowning in debt to finding financial peace. Alex's unique experience has given her the ability to help families take control of their own personal finances - all while still enjoying what life has to offer.
Contact: alex.miller@kerberrose.com